either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
