you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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