look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
