I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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