when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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