now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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