I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Someone signed my nipple.
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