I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
