What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
