Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
