ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
