Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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