Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
