I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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