There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This baby is an asshole
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
