Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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