I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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