If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
