I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're like the curious george of whores
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
