You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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