I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
