I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
