So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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