I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
