I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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