Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
