me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
