At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
