He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
