its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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