I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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