You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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