eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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