i think my tv is drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
