bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
