Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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