you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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