is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
