I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
