We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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