I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize