Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
