You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
