Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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