hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it glows. i had to have it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
