there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
