So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
