He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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