the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
