Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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