I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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