he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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