nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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