did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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