he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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