i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
