Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
