dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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