I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
