I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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