I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
