I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
