It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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