In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i will never coherently bang her
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
