I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
