If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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