mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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