i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
