your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
