you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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