At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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