She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
