RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
