FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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