we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
